Suburban Kvetch

A contest I’m not sure I’d want to win

I don’t enter a lot of sweepstakes, but there was one that caught my eye.  Not in a good way, mind you, but it attracted my attention because the prize was a six month supply of mayonnaise.

What is that, like, one medium-size jar?  Total prize package valued at $3.79? Or if they really think you use a ton of mayo in your extended family is that six jars?

Now offer  me a coupon — I’ll clip it or print it and be  all over it like mayo on whatever you put mayo on.  But energy and effort and another damn email list for a one free jar of mayo per as many contestants as enter?  Because you know, your chances of winning are based solely on the number of people who enter.

Pass the mustard please, and I’ll be happy to pay for it.

Suburban kvetch #1

I joined a new gym.

This would imply I had an old gym, which I did — in 2004.

The new gym is where people workout and maybe shower after.  There’s no juice bar, no couches, no classes and little, if any socializing.  To me, it’s perfect.  I do not want to drink juice or sit on a couch or join a class or socialize.  I want to exercise and I want to leave.   It’s a sparkling new facility - it’s just low-key.  You know, like me.

The front wall of windows allows in plenty of sunlight and you can see out the windows from anywhere in the gym unless you’re in the back pumping iron facing the mirror, which I’m not.

I watch TV or listen to music or a podcast while I work the elliptical or the recumbent bike.  But the other day I looked out the window.  I mean, I really looked.  Cars whizzing by in the distance.  A blue sky above. And staring at me from the other side of a four-lane road was a pizza joint (Hawaiian), a Subway (as close to a hoagie as you can get in the Midwest), a day spa (reflexology anyone?) and my favorite Thai restaurant (OK, the only Thai restaurant for miles, no matter. Basil fried rice with chicken and Nam Sod, no peanuts).

I went quickly back to reading subtitles and watching The View.