Don’t put an artichoke in the microwave
I fancy myself a decent cook and purveyor of above-average meals that have gotten two children to - and almost through - the adolescent stage of life. Healthy foods fill the cabinets, fridge and freezer — Omega 3’s and whole grains, organic beef and free range chicken. Even quinoa. Of course occasionally I make a grave error in judgment - like the time I attempted to pass off turkey as beef, the misplaced attempt to hide pulverized vegetables in burgers and today, when in an effort to expand the 5-a-day repertoire, I decided that steaming an artichoke could be done in the microwave.
It cannot.
Houses that smell like burnt artichokes for upwards of four hours, send teenagers running for the proverbial hills and dogs under the beds. Come to think of it, burning artichokes might be something to consider depending on the day.
That being said, I consistently and successfully broil, braise and grill. I slow cook and stir fry. I follow recipes and I wing it. I can make different meals with the same ingredients and the same meals with different ingredients.
But I’ve never entertained the idea of a cooking blog. I’ve written posts about food and nutrition, of my whatever philosophy that has led my kids to make a lot of good choices. But cook online? On display?
No.
I don’t have pretty, matching mixing bowls or vintage measuring spoons. My mix-master is white and dusty, and my hand-held mixer has one blade. I have cabinets with stacked pots, pans and nary a pull out drawer that gives me easy access. I have lids that almost fit most of my casseroles dishes and my Tupperware collection has no real Tupperware.
I don’t clean up as I go, which means that every bag, box, package and bowl is on the counter when the cooking is done. It lends itself to little more than an overwhelming clean-up - which often means that I leave it until morning especially if I need to watch The Bachelorette or The Next Food Network Star.
While none of those things have effected my enthusiasm for creating a meal that meshes — it has tempered my ability to cook in a group - and to share my passion on a blog.
I will offer you a word of advice though - without the benefit of step-by-step instructions or a litany of colorful photographs showcasing antique stoneware bowls with bright yellow neatly whisked, bubbly egg yolks.
When you want artichokes, just open a can.
By MindyMom on Jul 10, 2009
Yes YOU CAN steam an artichoke in the microwave! I’ve done it MANY times.
After rinsing and prepping the choke place it in a wide bowl - but not too much bigger than the choke(leave enough room around the choke) add a little water (about an inch) and cover loosely with wax paper (so the wax paper touches the edges of the bowl - not the choke.
Depending on your microwave and the size of the choke it may take as little as 5 min to cook. If your tray doesn’t rotate be sure to turn it every 2-3 min.
Uncover and drain the water and it’s ready!
Your welcome.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 10th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
@MindyMom,
OK, well, I should have put out internet feelers before plunking it into a bowl and wrapping it tightly I suppose. I just cooked it like I do other veggies. It didn’t work.
But I have 2 ‘chokes left!!
Thank you indeed!
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By angie on Jul 10, 2009
Easy to steam them in a colandar in a pot of salted water. Or buy the marinated kind in the jar.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 7:30 am
@angie,
I thought about the colander and went for the short cut. That’ll teach me!
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By Melanie on Jul 10, 2009
One more reason why cooking shouldn’t be done in a microwave.
I only use mine to reheat leftovers and make popcorn. Although I can’t even make popcorn anymore because if I set it for more than 40 seconds it turns itself off. Now we cook microwave popcorn on the stove.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 7:30 am
@Melanie,
I don’t nuke “food” but I do it with veggies all the time. Well maybe not anymore!
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By Leslie on Jul 10, 2009
Here’s another helpful hint: never try to cook a whole egg in the microwave either. Remove it from the shell first.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 7:31 am
@Leslie,
Ye of little faith! I’m proud to say I do know that one (but I won’t tell you how I know!)
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By Stacy Post on Jul 10, 2009
Great advice, Amy! I won’t try to steam any artichokes in the microwave. I have discovered that you can make S’Mores in the microwave if you just heat it up (assembled) for eight to ten seconds. YUMMY!
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 7:32 am
@Stacy Post,
Smores in the microwave is a great idea. But, have you ever put a “Peep” in the microwave?
We call it a Peep Show.
Hysterical results. (10 seconds max, for the record)
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By SharonK on Jul 10, 2009
I may be wrong here but judging by my household I believe the sign of a messy kitchen (while cooking anyway) is the sign of a great cook.
When I cook I worry about the cleaning later, aka well after dinner accolades have been thrown at my feet for yet another glorious meal. Ok, I mean when the kids are done and ready to zip off in different directions. But seriously, I’m a pretty good cook.
My husband on the other hand stirs with one hand and sponges everything down with the other. He can’t help it, he needs it neat. The problem is he then burns everything and can’t remember to start the vegetables so we either go without or eat them for dessert. He’s so focused on keeping it clean that more than once I’m sure he grilled the sponge and wiped the counter down with chicken.
Best solution for a house filled with the smell of burnt artichoke? Take the kids out for ice cream and mini-golf!
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 7:33 am
@SharonK,
I’m with you - it must be the sign of genius.
And with teenagers it’s not ice cream and minigolf — it’s more like — here’s money — go get something to eat!
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By J on Jul 11, 2009
How did I miss that you’ve started this blog, until prompted by Facebook? Yay! I do enjoy your other blog, but since I’m not a writer, so much of it doesn’t apply to me. Characters, motivation, etc.
Regarding artichokes, why would you open a can?
Unless it’s for pasta sauce or to top a salad, I mean. Blech. I do like marinated artichoke hearts in salad, but I wouldn’t just eat them…
But they’re so expensive, I’m glad they didn’t ALL burn in the microwave! Often I want to buy them, but they’re $2 each or more. Ridiculous.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 11th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@J,
I’m trying to find new ways to add veggies into the day - so it probably a one-shot deal. A 4-pack for experimentation purposes! I did it successfully today, but boy that’s a lot of work for not a lot of eating! But I am glad I gave it a try.
Glad you found me here!
After all, you’ve been with me since the beginning of my blogging adventure!
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By Susan @ 2KoP on Jul 14, 2009
Hey, Amy, I steam artichokes in the microwave all the time. In fact, that’s my favorite way to do it. I do six at a time (we have a big family). Cut and trim, place face down in an appropriate container (I use a large oval Corningware dish. Add about an inch of water, some crush garlic and lemon juice. Unlike your first commenter, I cover tightly with plastic wrap. Cook on high, 3-5 minutes per artichoke. Check for doneness with a fork in the middle of the bottom. It works. Really.
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By Amy Thurman on Jul 17, 2009
Read this and had to laugh! I’m not the world’s greatest cook. In fact, after cooking nearly every meal my 3 kids ate for over 18 years, I’m pretty much cooked out. I was having a bad day yesterday and a friend suggested I knock off early (step away from the laptop) and take my time cooking a nice meal. I literally snorted. That is NOT my idea of a good and relaxing time! I let the man do most of the cooking these days and since he seems to enjoy it, I get the added benefit of feeling like I’m doing him a favor!
Loved the post and all the comments here - even learned something. I knew the egg thing too and also won’t reveal how…
And another good way to run off teens is cooking collard greens. Not much that smells worse!
Thanks Amy!
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By Jill Houk on Jul 29, 2009
It’s so awesome that you’ve undertaken the task of cooking artichokes in a microwave. As a professional chef, I am all thumbs with a microwave, but don’t feel like cooking much when I’m at home. Thanks all for sharing these suggestions!
As for collard greens and scaring off the kids, I’ve got a great way of making them that actually smells enticing. Dice up a couple strips of lower fat bacon and fry until crisp. Add a half of a diced onion and cook 5-7 minutes until caramelized. Then toss in your greens to wilt slightly (about 2 minutes). Transfer mixture to a slow cooker and cover with water or chicken stock. Cook on low 4-6 hours. When they’re tender, stir in a little balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper and voila!
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