Fat Tuesday
In the poorly lit dressing room of a local department store I heard a mom talking to her daughter.
“I look so goddamn fat in this,” the mom said.
“No you don’t Mommy, you look good. Pink is nice.”
It was a little girl’s voice, not a teenager’s. I imagined her eight or nine on the little triangular wooden seat in the corner of the two by four foot room, swinging her legs and holding discards on her little lap.
“Oh you think so? What do you know?”
“I know you look nice in pink, Mommy.”
“Yeah, well, whatever. My ass is so fat I don’t look good in anything. Damn, look what time it is, I have to go to work.”
“It’s your new job right, Mommy?”
“Uh huh.”
“I heard you talking about it on the phone.”
“Yeah well I won’t like this one either.”
“Sure you will, Mommy.”
I rattled the hangers in my room just across the narrow hallway. I coughed. Maybe if she knew someone was there, listening, the woman with the fat ass and fat mouth would be kinder to her daughter. If only for a few minutes, I figured it would be something. She was obviously having a bad day but I wondered if she ever had a good day. If she talked to her daughter this way in public, how was she talking to her in private when there was no coughing across the hall. With so many negative messages about herself, what was she teaching her daughter about the way she felt about herself? I bet it made the little girl sad to hear her mom talk that way.
I checked out an outfit in the three way mirror and waited as I heard the duo scrambling to get out of their box. I wanted to smile at her or say “Hi sweetie” to the little girl. But instead I was speechless.
The woman and girl emerged from the room. Extra large and round, the mom with bleached blonde shoulder-length hair was followed by an extra large and round little girl no older than nine, with long golden curls, twinkly blue eyes and tanned skin.
I’d been wrong. The mom did not just expose her negative feelings about herself, but by genetic and grocery default - she was talking about her very own daughter.
And for that I wanted to kick her in her fat ass.
By Country-Fried Mama on Jul 14, 2009
Oh, that kind of thing makes me crazy mad. I have a harder time keeping my mouth shut at stuff like than I do when I see someone spanking in public.
Sadly, though, I do keep my mouth shut. What can you say that would make any difference to either of them?
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 14th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
@Country-Fried Mama,
I was not expecting what I saw, and you’re right, nothing I would have said would have been appropriate or made a difference.
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By debbie on Jul 14, 2009
That is just the saddest story ever. You should have attacked her with a stack of hangers:)
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 14th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
@debbie,
I just wanted that little girl to know she was sweet.
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By Blog Antagonist on Jul 14, 2009
Shame on her. That poor little girl.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 14th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
@Blog Antagonist,
I wonder about parents who don’t realize the power of their negative words - to anyone.
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By SharonK on Jul 14, 2009
I’m just not even sure how to reply to this one… mom’s self-criticism was very harsh and certainly sends the wrong message. On the other hand, so many (way too many) young girls that are overweight are a little too comfortable with their body image. As the mom of a 13 yr old girl (with a healthy weight and body image) I see many of her overweight friends wearing bikinis, too-tight shirts and short-shorts to think they are uncomfortable with how they look.
In our perfect world we would encourage these children to eat healthy, exercise and accept their varied figures and shapes as part of what makes them unique. In our real world girls who are thin think they’re fat and girls who are out of shape flaunt it with tight tees and skin tight jeans. How does this make sense???
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
July 14th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
@SharonK,
I understand your point of view. I just think there are better ways to express dismay at your own shape in clothes when you’re with your daughter — especially if your daughter looks like you. Your experience with inappropriately dressed girls is different, I think, they probably have parents ignoring their weight issue - that’s not good either.
This little girl will most likely one day be told she has a fat ass.
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By Annmarie on Jul 15, 2009
That little girl most definitely has already been told she has a fat ass–by classmates, strangers, and most disturbing of all, her own mother. A very sad commentary.
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By Melanie on Jul 15, 2009
That really pisses me off.
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By Leslie on Jul 15, 2009
There ain’t nothin’ good about any of this…
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By MindyMom on Jul 15, 2009
This is SOOooo sad and so wrong on so many levels. I’m so sad for that little girl and even the little girl her mom once was too.
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By Suezette on Jul 21, 2009
No one should be made to feel bad about how their body looks–there should be no such thing as “too comfortable” with your own body image. The mother’s negativity comes from a society that supports the idea that fat people are bad. Making judgments about her level of exercise and her grocery list is part of the problem. I agree that the mother should have been nicer–but some of the comments here are why she wasn’t…she was spouting what the world has told her and continues to tell her.
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