Mom’s night out
I’m surely not livin’ the dream, but I reside in a picturesque Midwestern town with award winning schools, a quaint downtown and friendly neighbors. It’s ethnically diverse, has a commuter train station and a gorgeous new library. People stop their cars when you cross the street and wave when you walk by.
But…
For a single, 45 year old mom with two teenagers, it’s b o r i n g. Girls Night Out means home by nine — if I’m lucky and not home by 8. Conversations revolve around dads who are babysitting for their own kids, and the havoc that will be wreaked without mom at home. There’s talk of multi-family getaways, three-story additions and the perils of country club assessments. There are no single parents at all — or anyone without back-up or tee-times, no classes to take (don’t even mention it), no clubs to join and nothing for Jewish singles within 50 miles.
So, as daunting as it is that my kids are now a Senior and a Freshman in high school — it also means I am that much closer to moving somewhere else – ANYWHERE ELSE - perhaps where coffee shops with wifi are open late and there is more than one bookstore within a 30 minute drive. Heaven forbid — there might be other single adults and yes, maybe even a class or two. I’d bow down if I had a mall to meander, but alas, the only mall nearby is desolate, anchored by Posters-R-Us and Sears — and has been under construction for the entire decade I’ve lived here.
I’ll give credit where it’s due. It’s a tight knit community and I have steadfast friends who make me laugh. If I sent out an SOS in the middle of the night I would have more help than I knew what to do with. So, a while back, when a casual friend’s father passed away, I didn’t think for more than a moment whether or not I should attend the Shiva (the mourning ritual for Jews). It’s never wrong to attend a Shiva. Never wrong to show support with a plate of cookies and a hug.
And anyway, who was I kidding? I got to go out! On a Tuesday night! There would be adults! And food! Everyone would talk! I’d have to look nice too – you don’t show your respect in cut-offs. This would indeed even include mascara. Maybe even a spritz of perfume!
So off I went. I was where I should have been. It was a sincere gesture on my part, tainted only slightly – and stealthily – as I asked about the health and well-being of some old people chatting in the corner.
By J on Sep 25, 2009
Maybe you would live in an apartment above a wonderful Indian restaurant…
I dream of moving back to San Francisco after my daughter graduates from H.S., which is looming closer (she’s in 8th grade, but still). I loved our neighborhood there. Wonderful bookstore, wonderful restaurants with almost any kind of food you could want, within 4 or 5 blocks…pizza, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Greek, Russian, Burmese, 3 star French, burger joints, Singaporian, American bistro type food, and even Tex Mex. I don’t remember any really good authentic Mexican restaurants, but they may have been there. And there were certainly plenty in the City. Independent movie house down the street. Golden Gate Park just a few blocks away. Yeah, I guess I miss it.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
September 25th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
@J,
Yes! I’m sure I would live near an Indian restaurant - and I would call you before I go for the first time so I knew what to order. Ah, to dream!
What you describe is what I want.
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By Mindy/Single Mom says on Sep 25, 2009
I am so grateful for my single friends and nights out! In the 8 years I’ve been a single mom I haven’t always had that though. It was a process of trying to cling to that suburban life I knew while married but being the odd woman out and trying to find my place. I’m happy to say that I’ve finally found it. I no longer try to ‘fit in’ where I am not wanted cuz lets face it, single moms are a ‘threat’ to many married moms. And until you move, at least you have the internet/blogoshpere where you can relate to like-minded people!
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
September 25th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@Mindy/Single Mom says,
I have a dear friend who recently divorced - but she’s on the East Coast and I’m not. I have another dear friend who is also single but in Florida. At least we can share hilarious dating stories via email and on the phone. Gotta look at the good, and I do! And yes, the internet helps!
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By Melanie on Sep 25, 2009
I hope you find a place better suited for you in three years. You’ve earned it.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
September 25th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@Melanie,
Thank you!
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By Florinda on Sep 25, 2009
I hear you. The suburbs do have their good points (which is something I resisted acknowledging for years), but they’re really not a great place to be single, with or without kids.
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SuburbanKvetch replied:
September 25th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@Florinda,
You’re right. This tiny, old suburb/small town is a great place to raise children…my kids grew up with a small town environment and a sense of a strong community…something I think a McSuburb wouldn’t have offered.
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By dadshouse on Sep 28, 2009
Single parenting gets so much easier when kids become teens. I don’t have tons of going out options (even though I live in a well-populated place - it’s all about friends and their availability!) - but when I do want to get out, my kids are old enough to fend for themselves.
That is, if they aren’t out already.
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