Suburban Kvetch

Picking your battles can lead to pleasant surprises

My 17-year-old son stared at the laptop.

“Uh huh,” he said.

“Uh huh what?”

“Uh huh I’ll empty the dishwasher in the next hour.”

Of course that meant he’d do it in 59 minutes, but that was enough.  If it were me, I would do it right away and get it done, get back to laptop.

Same goes for meals.  He has always saved the veggies for last, because he likes them least.  I save the best for last - which usually means the carbs, or I eat it all at the same time.  Goes to the same place, y’know.

Whatever works.

I’ve learned that with my son, if I ask him to do something within a certain period of time, without nagging (reminding is ok - which I tell him) then it usually gets done.  It can be in 5 minutes, an hour, the next few days.   If it’s urgent then so be it, but let’s be honest, how many household chores are truly of-the-moment?  He’s the tallest, strongest person in the house, so he lifts, carries, moves and reaches at a moment’s notice.  But for those things not even I like to do, I don’t mind saying “When the game is over please take out the trash.”

I was sitting at my desk when he came in and said he was going to the driving range.  I kissed him good-bye and continued about my business. But when I walked into the kitchen, the dishwasher was full.  And no, I did not even think to ask him if it had been emptied before he left.  I didn’t assume he did it, pressing matters prevailed. I just didn’t think of it.

I’m not of the mind to call a kid back from practicing for varsity golf tryouts to empty a dishwasher that will still be amply full when he returns.

I went back to work.

And while in my mind I hover over my kids, in reality, I do not.  I keep close tabs on their internet expeditions, but I do not check, double-check and triple-check if homework or a chore is done.  I ask who he’s with and where he’s going, but even when he called me at 11:55pm to ask if he could sleep at a friends (he has a midnight curfew) I said yes, and did not get out of bed and drive to see if his car was where he said he was , although I thought about it.  I also did not do it when I awoke the next morning as I had promised myself.  He hasn’t given me any reason not to trust him - so I do.  That, and I was really tired.

A while later I texted him with the age old mother-son question.

“Sushi?”

His answer: “Ya”

I’ve learned “Ya” is short for “yes,” (because that’s so long), not short for “you.”

Then my phone rang.

“Hey,” I said.  It was golfer/non-dishwasher emptying son.

“Want me to go pick up the sushi?”

“Sure,” I said. “Thank you.”

If you’ve read this blog, or anything regarding sushi that I’ve written before, you know that the suburb we live in is not a foodie’s dream.  Sushi we like is about 10-15 minutes away — which meant my son volunteered for a 20-30 minute excursion without me asking. I didn’t remind him about the dishwasher.  I didn’t scold him for leaving his chore undone.

He returned home and we indulged together, chatting and watching Food Network in our family room.   He got up from the sofa when he was done, presumably to throw away his chopsticks and containers.

And I heard dishes clanking.